Sometimes I feel as if I stumbled upon the missing pieces of a long-forgotten jigsaw puzzle and rediscovered my lost childhood toy – and boy, am I having a blast playing with it. Those random bouts of sadness that have haunted me throughout my life suddenly make sense. It turns out, I’ve been dealing with sensory overload, which explains why my body occasionally decided to stage a protest and demanded extended recovery periods. Who knew?
And let’s not forget my uncanny inability to grasp people’s irony, including sarcasm, which has me questioning how on Earth I survived five years in England. I mean, articles about cognitive rigidity and my difficulty reading people’s intentions have provided me with answers and granted my brain and heart some much-needed peace. But then again, many of the traits attributed to people on the autism spectrum sound suspiciously… human. It’s like reading a horoscope that claims Virgos are perfectionists and value their individuality – just astrology stuff, right?
So, maybe I’m not actually on the autism spectrum, and these traits are just my cosmic birthday gift for being born in September. Case closed, no need for books or therapy discussions. But, hold on a second, as much as I enjoy the occasional horoscope reading, I have to admit, it’s a bit like trying to predict the future without any real science behind it. Autism research, on the other hand, seems pretty legit.
Perhaps I would have handled all those sensory overloads differently if I’d known they were due to a specific condition rather than just me randomly feeling down. But I’ve learned a ton on this wild journey. The other day, I decided to be a rebel and attend a Jessie J concert. A concert with all the noise, crowds, smells, light… the opposite of what heaven should be like. I almost chickened out immediately upon arrival, but I used my classic self-deception tactics: “Just one song, maybe one more, okay, fine, let’s stick around till the end.” The concert was captivating, despite Jessie’s penchant for chit-chat. That voice, though. Toward the end, she got all profound, talking about depression and the perils of showbiz. But one thing she said really stuck with me, something like, “I’ve faced sadness before, and that experience taught me that I can conquer it again if it ever comes my way.”
And that’s exactly how I feel now. I can’t turn back time and give my younger self a comforting pat on the back, but I know that my older, wiser self has a fancy new toolbox to deal with life’s curveballs. Bring it on, world!